When it comes to love, it is fair to say that everybody is different. If you have found the one that makes your heart flutter, you may be considering tying the knot. Popping the question is, of course, a significant step in your relationship. We have a lot of tips available to guide you on buying an engagement ring and preparing before the proposal.
Yet, as you are planning to spend your life together, you want to ensure that your love languages are compatible. Indeed, love language refers to the way you express your affection and seek affection. In the early stages of a relationship, partners go through the rose-tinted glass perception, during which they tend to:
- express their affection in more than one way
- constantly communicate
- frequently seek physical contact
- prepare little gifts and attentions
- have increased production of “happy hormones”
These elements can affect love language. As a result, partners may feel their loved one changes when they are out of the butterfly phase. While it doesn’t mean that feelings decrease, it can transform the way one expresses and needs love. Therefore, before you consider planning your next step, it can be helpful to understand your love language.
What is your energy?
According to relationship experts, people can emit masculine and feminine energy regardless of their gender. The energy refers to your thought process and approach to bonding. An individual with dominant feminine energy, for instance, will prefer conversations as a way of showing they care. On the other hand, someone with primarily masculine energy may prefer to solve problems and set goals when it comes to demonstrating their affection.
Unfortunately, when people have energy imbalances, it can lead to frictions or misunderstandings. It can be useful in your relationship to research and discuss how each of you prefers to bond. The process of understanding your energy is not designed to change you. Instead, it can help partners understand each other. It can avoid frustration as you can appreciate what your loved one is doing, even if their approach is different from yours.
How did your parents express love?
Your parents’ relationship will influence yours in many ways. Indeed, parents act as the first role model a child receives in life. Therefore, it isn’t uncommon to grow up mimicking the relationship that your parents had or have.
If your parents had a happy and balanced relationship, you could learn from them how to be closer with someone and build strong bonds. For example, if your parents were tactile and held hands often, you naturally associate physical contact with bonding. Yet, if your parents didn’t
hold hands in front of you, you may never consider physical touch as a part of a public relationship.
Similarly, if your parents were able to talk through disagreements, you naturally build your communication and collaborative skills. On the other hand, if they shouted at each other, you may reproduce the same behaviour in your own relationships.
An individual can learn new patterns and avoid toxic attitudes within the relationship. However, unlearning behaviours that have been part of your childhood is not easy. It takes a lot of work on yourself to identify the areas you wish to change. Impossible; it is not. But it certainly won’t be an easy ride!
How past relationships have affected you
Not everyone has an ex from hell in their past. However, if you have encountered a “hellish” partner in the past, you are more likely to be extra cautious in the future. Reddit has a rather alarming threat about exes from hell, showing people who have been in a relationship with someone who proceeded to:
- cheat on them
- extort money
- control them
- read their private texts, emails, communication
- lie to them
- abuse them physically or verbally
- intentionally humiliate them
- etc.
Let’s get things clear from the start: red flags in a relationship are hard to spot if you have never encountered them before. Unfortunately, after an ex from hell, every behaviour — including non-suspicious ones — could be mistaken for red flags. One bitten, twice shy, as the saying goes. Therefore, it is important to not only move on from a bad relationship but also remind yourself that not everyone is like your ex. Past relationships can dramatically transform your love language, forcing you to show and express less in an attempt to protect yourself. However, it could be destructive to your current relationship.
How you react to stress
A bad day at work?
Money problems?
Health scare?
Stress is a part of our day-to-day life. Even if stress is not created by your relationship, it can put pressure on it, depending on your coping mechanism. If you shut down and self-isolate when you feel overwhelmed, your partner may struggle. They may fear they have done something wrong. They could misread the situation and put distance between you.
Similarly, if you become irritable and avoid your partner when you are under pressure, they may misinterpret your behaviour.
Even if your partner understands what you are going through and why you act like that, it doesn’t mean they are willing to pretend like nothing happens to preserve the relationship. Stress is a relationship killer when you let it dictate your behaviour and hurt your partner.
What do you consider romantic?
Are you a red roses and champagne kind of person, or do you prefer small gestures? Not everyone has the same image of romance. Unfortunately, when romantic expectations are incompatible and not-shared between partners, it can stain your relationship. You may want to surprise your partner with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates. On the other hand, your partner prefers to express their affection through everyday gestures, such as making you a cup of tea in the morning or sharing their thoughts with you.
There is no right or wrong when it comes to expressing your feelings. However, things can get unpleasant when partners don’t talk about romantic gestures together. The red roses may feel over-the-top to your partner. Similarly, the morning cuppa can appear underwhelming to you.
In conclusion, your love language is influenced by your past experience, personality, and childhood. Partners can and should make efforts to do something nice for each other. But, more importantly, they should also try to understand where each other comes from and what they are trying to communicate.
